Beating Anxiety - How It Worked For Me
Now, I don't proclaim to be any kind of medical or psychological expert in matters of anxiety or panic attacks, but I could definitely say Im a bit of an expert in having them, seeing as they caused me so much trouble for three years of my life.
It's taken me a very long while to get this far, and to feel this well, this alive and most importantly this confident about myself and my own abilities. I felt like I should write something about the discoveries I made, and how I finally managed to take the power back and start to be my real self again.
Its at this point that I don't really know where to start. I began writing this with the idea in my head that I would discuss how I eventually avoided having panic attacks in the hope that it might help others, but I guess I'll start from the beginning and see where I end up.
I'm a healthy (ish) 27 year old male, with my own home, a good close circle of friends and a very close adn loving family to support me. I was (and still am, but not recently) quite a nervous person, especially in public situations (public speaking, group discussions etc) and in other matters. I have also been the kind of person to bottle problems up and carry on regardless so that other people think everything is ok, but when I get home I start dwelling on what has or hasnt gone right during the course of my day.
About three years ago I was diagnosed with a really bad ear infection, and I think that's about the time it started. There was no real cause as far as I could tell, and the ear infection had nothing to do with it - i just associate it with the events that follow. The attacks just kind of happened over night.
I recall being on a bus from work and suddenly feeling short of breath. My heart rate increased and my arms felt numb. No reason, it just happened. I thought I was having a heart attack. My mouth became dry and my head was spinning and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I put my head between my legs (feeling really stupid at this point on a bus full of people who were wondering what was wrong), but nothing seemed to make a difference to my condition whatsoever. Finally it got to a point where I just needed to get off the bus and get some air, run away, sit down, fall over - I don't know. I really didn't know what to do at all.
Eventually I calmed down and got on another bus, but by this time as far as Im concerned a vicious circle had already started. The first time I ever had an anxiety attack was on a bus, and from that point on I started all of my journeys to and from work feeling anxious that the same thing was going to happen. It created a kind of feedback loop effect in that I would start my journey already slightly anxious, which wasn't the best start. This anxiety just fed back on itself. "Will I have another panic attack? What if I have to get off the bus again? What will people think of me? What if i faint? What if? What if?....". It's the 'what ifs' that would keep building my anxiety levels up again and again until I was going to have an attack whether or not I wanted to. The fact I didnt want to was part of this feedback loop.
I had noticed that the attacks weren't quite as bad on the way to work, it was more often than not on the way back. That much I couldn't fathom at the time, but I put it down to me still being in the arms of a post-sleep daze which somehow calmed me. It's amazing how you start to analyse yourself when you feel like that.
And so this continued, but it expanded. I was now getting anxiety attacks on the way home, at work, at home and even sometimes whilst out with friends - I even had two weeks off work with the excuse that it was the ear infection because I was too embarrased to talk to anyone else about it.
During the two weeks off work I made the discovery that having a drink would solve my problem.
I need to pause here for a moment and tell anyone who reads this that drinking is no solution. It actually does make the anxiety attacks go away, I won't deny that - but it's also potentially dangerous. If you suffer from anxiety please don't travel along this road.
In my case I was on the alcohol at some times from 8 in the morning to take the edge off before my day even started. Never before work, I must add, just mainly on the weekends or in free time. It's not a pretty thought now, and it could've ended up really badly if I hadnt listened to close friends who had noticed that I seemed to be drinking a lot, and sometimes at very strange times.
It had to end.
I spoke to my dad, who gave me some sound advice. He basically told me that a lot of young people suffer from anxiety, but you have to realise that 'anxiety' is all it is. You are not dying. You are not about to faint or make a fool of yourself. You're just anxious. Your body slips into a primeval 'fight or flight' response and reacts accordingly. Nothing more, nothing less. You are not going crazy, and you are not going to die (unless it's self inflicted). He used to suffer from them himself and told me he just 'got bored' of them eventually. That's it basically. For my Dad, anxiety attacks got boring.
So, I tried to use that as my motivation for a while. Every time I had one I rode it. Sat through it knowing that it would be over soon, and that eventually it would go away. That should work, I thought.
It didn't.. I really needed to find a way to beat this. I made a doctors appointment and explained my predicament to him, and I was prescribed a very low-strength beta blocker to regulate my heart beat and hopefully mellow me out somewhat. I tried them for about a month, but still nothing. I didnt feel calmer or better so I just stopped taking them. Im not the kind of person who wants to be tied to a pill for the rest of my life - if this is in my head I need to find out the problem, face it head on and beat it myself.
I ended up getting annoyed. I am in control of my life, and nothing will stop me from doing what I want to do. I decided to cut down the drinking and start looking closely at my life. I started by listing the things that made me anxious, or things that were on my mind. By making a list of the things that are causing stress in your life and facing up to them you are closer to getting results. It could be a debt your avoiding facing up to, a problem at work you're bottling up. in fact it can be anything, but basically the rule I applied to my life was "if it's someting that is generally always niggling away in the back of my mind or stressing me out I need to deal with it NOW and eradicate it.".
Once you do this (and it might be really difficult) you are on your way to recovery. Don't procrastinate and put things off. If there is a problem in your life that you can solve which is causing you to worry DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. If it's a debt you can't pay, phone the debtor and explain; try to come to an arrangement. It's better than sitting on your backside, doing nothing about it and letting it get worse. If you hate your job and work pressure is too much, tell your boss you can't cope. The worst that will happen is nothing, and then (as it was in my case) the next thing is to go and look for another job.
And this is what I did. I worked methodically through the list of worries and problems I had and I slowly beat them down. Some came back to bite me, but the peace of mind I had in reducing my own stress helped me and slowly I started to feel more confident in myself. Every day I tried to accomplish something. I dealt with things head on. It scared me a lot, and more often than not it caused another attack, but I closed my eyes and kept on moving forward. The best example I can think of is the fact that I forced myself to get on that same bus every day and just sit through the attack. "Don't get off, don't let it beat you", I thought. Once I got off the bus finally at my destination I would feel elated - I had suffered for half an hour, but here I was. I hadn't let it beat me, and now I was home. The more and more you face those fears the more silent that voice in your head becomes.
The next, and possibly the most important thing is to look after yourself. Quit drinking, smoking and especially quit caffeine if you can.
Caffeine is such a strong stimulant that it has been attributed to anxiety attacks and some very unusual mental disorders which some people have even been locked away for as doctors have diagnosed them as being schitzophrenic. If you want more information on this, do a Google search on Caffeine Anaphylaxis, something I discovered I had only a year or so ago. In its basic form, Caffenine Anaphylaxis is a reaction to caffeine that comes from becoming intolerant to it. The symptoms present themselves as those similar to anxiety attacks. Since I quit coffee and coke (and especially the Red Bull you need first thing in the morning, or the one you mix with your Vodka on a night out) I havent suffered a single attack. About a week ago I had a bottle of lucozade and suffered a mild attack, only to discover that it contains caffeine.
Other caffeine containing products can include over the counter medicines for colds and flu, especially those containing paracetamol, as apparently caffeine is used to help them travel the bloodstream better. Some paracetamol products contain as much as two cups of coffee worth! Always look on the label for anything you take to make sure.
If you do suffer anxiety I would recommend stopping your caffeine intake as the first measure. Following that, make a list of the areas in your life which cause you stress. Face up to them. It might be a relationship you arent happy with, a job you really don't want to be in or a debt which needs to be paid. It will be difficult to admit and face up to some things, but try as hard as you can.
Next, write next to those things the actions you can take to reduce the stress those things cause. Now, one by one fix them. Speak to your partner (or leave them, if they're the problem), find another job, work out a debt plan, the list goes on....
Whatever you do, don't put it off until tomorrow, as you'll only be twice as worked up about it when you wake up.
If you can reduce the majority of those stressful niggles in the back of your mind, then you will get such a feeling of achievement that you beat them, you'll start to win the battle against your own mind. Your confidence will build, and you'll be back on track.
I started this 'essay' saying I am no expert. I am not a psychologist. These are just methods that worked for me. They may not for you, or you may need more help. If you can try them, do. Please don't drink or take drugs to escape your feelings. If you really are suffering, your life is a misery and none of my suggestions help the most important thing you can do is see a doctor.
Good Luck.
Posted by Matt @ 3:34 PM
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